There’s a brutal truth that no one talks about until you’re living it:
Life doesn’t stop for trauma.
The bills still come, work still expects you to show up, and people still want things from you. Deadlines will sneak up on you, groceries will need to be purchased, and inevitably kids will need help with homework.
The court still moves at glacier speed — if it moves at all.
And you’re stuck trying to breathe through fear while the world demands a performance. Survivors do not get a pause button. They get adrenaline, exhaustion, and pure force of will.
This is the part outsiders never understand: trauma doesn’t freeze your life. It hijacks it while everything else keeps spinning.
When You’re Living in Survival Mode — But Still Expected to Function
Trauma doesn’t care that you have deadlines; it doesn’t wait for the weekend to be over. Fear doesn’t schedule around meetings, school drop-offs, or doctor appointments.
Buckle up, Buttercup, because you’re living two lives at once:
The life you’re expected to keep functioning in.
And the life you didn’t choose but have to survive.
That split is exhausting.
You can be answering emails while recording important details. You can be making dinner while thinking about therapy appointments. You can be sitting at a red light while replaying traumatic events in your head.
And the people around you won’t see any of it.
Because you’re still upright. Still walking. Still pretending to be “fine.”
You Don’t Have to Pretend You’re Not Overwhelmed
Trauma survivors often feel guilty for struggling, and you shouldn’t; not even for a second. You are carrying more than anyone should have to carry.
Fear rewires your brain and hyper-vigilance is an evil succubus that drains your body. Adrenaline becomes your operating system.
And still, you keep going.
That is not weakness, my friend. That is survival.
But survival takes tools. So here are some that actually work in the real world, especially when you’re dealing with stalking, harassment, and instability.
Practical Tips for Surviving When Life Won’t Slow Down
These are not fluffy “self-care” suggestions. I would not insult you with that garbage. Instead, these are real, functional grounding tools for people living through actual danger.
1. Reduce the number of decisions you have to make each day
Trauma shrinks your executive functioning. Make life simpler wherever possible.
- Pick 3 outfits and rotate them
- Pre-plan meals or snacks you don’t have to think about
- Automate bills
- Set reminders for everything
You need your mental energy for safety; not for figuring out what to eat or wear. Your brain is in lizard mode, and you have to operate accordingly.
2. Build a “Stability Routine” — even if it’s only 10 minutes
Just one familiar routine tells your nervous system: “You are not in immediate danger.”
This could be:
- Sitting with your coffee before anyone is awake
- Listening to the same calming playlist
- Journaling in bullet points (not full sentences)
- Walking the same route every morning
Tiny routines create tiny islands of safety. For me, I once again turned to Taylor Swift and crochet. Retreat to these safe spaces, even if just for a few minutes. Even if you just shuffle things around.
3. Create a “Crisis Folder”
A real, physical folder (or digital one) with:
- All screenshots
- IP logs
- Police report numbers
- Case numbers
- Court filings
- Your timeline of events
- Key names + dates
This saves you from re-explaining your trauma again and again to new officers, new judges, new agencies. You have one file. One truth; one record. And it’s ready when the system finally decides to listen. If you need to be reminded that you’re not crazy, you can go look at it. Or don’t; it’s up to you. But it’s there if you need it.
4. Pick two people who know everything — not everyone
I told a whole lot of people; some because I had to, and some because I needed to. But there were some people who I didn’t have to report to at all, and if I had to do it all over again (please don’t make me, it’s absolutely miserable shit), I’d tighten the circle. Sometimes, you don’t need a crowd, and you just need a couple of people in the loop.
Two people who know:
- What’s happening
- What to do if something escalates
- Where you are
- Who to call
- Your safety plan
This is your support network; not your whole contact list.
5. Use tech to monitor things for you
Don’t shoulder all the work yourself.
Set up:
- Google alerts for your name
- Camera notifications
- Email forwarding to a trusted person
- Screenshots backed up automatically
- A second inbox for legal activity
- A password manager
- Encrypted backups
- If you have a website like obviously I do, plug-ins and software that can help you track visitors and download logs are important.
Let the tools carry some of the weight so your brain doesn’t have to.
6. Give yourself permission to do the bare minimum
You are officially in survival mode. Right now, you do not need to:
- Be productive
- Respond to everyone
- Keep the house perfect
- Stay on top of everything
- Pretend you’re not completely fucking drained
Right now, “good enough” is more than enough.
7. Know that this version of you is not permanent
Trauma distorts time. It’s also a thief of joy. It convinces you that:
“This is forever.”
“This is who I am now.”
“I’ll never feel safe again.”
But that’s trauma talking, not truth.
People DO come out of this. People heal, rebuild. People find their breath again after months of drowning. I promise, you are not stuck like this for the rest of your life.
This is just a chapter; not the whole story.
You Will Make It Through This, Even If Today Feels Impossible
You are not weak for struggling. You are not dramatic for being scared. You are not failing because life won’t slow down for your trauma.
You’re doing the impossible: surviving danger while the world demands normalcy. And that takes a kind of strength no one sees until they’ve lived it themselves.
You’ll get through this; not because the system helps you, because heaven forbid the system is ever actually useful. But you will get through this because you are determined to live long enough to feel peace again.
And that day will come.
