Lately, I’ve been noticing an upsetting trend in the criminal justice advocacy space. I’ve been watching multiple colleagues go through frustrating job search challenges, being dismissed, being denied opportunities, or even, people trying to “cancel” them. It’s an odd prospect; someone or a group of someones, literally trying to chase you out of existence like it’s their job.
I’m not sure where these people think they’ll chase you to; if they hope you’ll never return to the internet again or if they truly expect you to lay down and die. Their end goal is never actually communicated. I don’t know if they even know their own end goal, really, because there’s always another target. Another person to ruin, another light to stamp out. They’re never actually done; they just move onto the next person, operating a conveyor belt of destruction they’ve made just for fun. It’s sad really; a lot of wasted potential. Imagine if they leveraged that same persistence for good. To fixing problems in their community, to helping people.
In the movie Fight Club, after Edward Norton’s character brutally beats Jared Leto’s character, he says this,
…I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I’d never see. I wanted to breathe smoke… I felt like destroying something beautiful.
The point is this: no matter what field you’re working in, what you’re working on, there are people in this world who will try to tear down whatever you are building. Not because it’s wrong, or because it lacks value. But because your momentum unsettles them. The prospect of you thriving is intolerable; a construct they want to crush beneath their feet. They steal from you because it’s another thing they can collect as another beautiful and good thing that they have destroyed.
What it really boils down to, is that some people whether it’s because of mental illness, conditioning, or perhaps enjoyment, do not know how to live without conflict. Some don’t know who they are without opposition. Some are so uncomfortable in their own skin that the only relief they will ever find, is trying to make someone else crawl into the deep, dark hole of discomfort with them.
And it never fails that you will meet these people when you start doing something that matters.
Destruction as a Strategy for the Stagnant
When you take risks, try new things, speak plainly, or build something visible, you unfortunately garner attention. Most of it will be neutral. Some of it will be supportive. But, a small but exhausting percentage will be hostile.
These are the people who:
- Misread and misinterpret your intentions on purpose
- Find fault in everything you do, no matter what you do
- Twist your words to provoke reaction
- Poke at old wounds to see if they still work
- Try to hijack your trauma triggers so they can control your narrative
They aren’t seeking meaningful dialogue. They want derailment. And if you let them, they will happily turn your hard-earned progress into their own personal theater.
Forward Motion Is Not the Same as Denial
Ignoring destructive behavior is not the same thing as pretending it doesn’t exist. It means recognizing that not everything deserves your nervous system’s attention.
It means choosing not to give destructive and harmful people access to your time, your energy, or your inner world just because they are loud, persistent, dangerous, or cruel. It means understanding that responding to every provocation is not strength; it’s the opposite of that. Often, it is exactly what keeps you stuck and prevents you from moving forward with life, projects, important tasks at hand.
There is a very big difference between accountability and captivity. You do not have to be a captive.
Do Not Let Them Take What You Built
Next time you run into an intentionally destructive person, pay attention to what, if anything, they actually “offer.” Chaos, harm, pain, suspended terror, crushing the work of others. That’s typically their only “export.” They’re never building anything. They aren’t productive members of society. They are parasites draining people dry.
But you are a builder. You worked for this. You learned the hard way. You failed, but you got back up. You built systems, skills, relationships, and resilience from nothing. When people expected you to fail, you did not lay down and die.
Do not let someone else’s deep, unrelenting misery convince you to abandon your own growth.
They will never clap for you. Some will never stop watching, waiting for you to falter. Some will try to bait you into shrinking so they can feel taller and better about their station in life.
Fuck ’em. Their misery is not your burden to carry. They prey on empathy and good because it’s something they will never have or be. They try to extinguish the light because their own is, by their own doing, long gone.
Find Your People. Build With Them.
The antidote to destruction is not isolation. It’s alignment. Find the people who:
- See you clearly
- Challenge you without trying to control you
- Respect your boundaries
- Care more about building than burning
Build with them. Grow with them. Let your work speak louder than reactions.
Keep Going
You’ll never be able to fix these people, so don’t try. That’s work that isn’t up to you. Turn it off. Don’t get me wrong, ignoring their unending noise will be hard. Staying regulated will take time and practice. Moving forward without closure will feel desperately unfair.
Do it anyway.
Just because someone hates living in their own miserable skin does not mean you should learn to hate yours, too.
Build anyway. Take risks anyway. Keep going anyway. That is how you win without becoming the detractor who tried to destroy you.
