Yesterday, Ally wrote a phenomenal piece that explained the phenomenon of stalking, touching on a disorder that could help mental health professionals intervene in especially dangerous stalking situations: erotomania.
Most people wouldn’t know the word erotomania, but many survivors know the feeling of it all too well. It’s a disorienting and unsettling experience that someone has constructed an entire imaginary relationship with you in their heads, a relationship that has never existed.
Erotomania alone is frightening. Erotomania combined with malignant narcissism?That’s when the delusion becomes a weapon. It crosses territory where inpatient treatment may be necessary.
It’s not and never has been love. It’s obsession, a depraved sense of ownership and entitlement in the mind of someone who believes they’re entitled to you.
What Is Erotomania?
Erotomania is a delusional disorder where a person believes someone is in love with them, often someone who has never met them and is even actively rejecting them. Making it even worse, research finds that social media can significantly exacerbate it.
So when a condition like this is paired with malignant narcissism, a combination of narcissistic personality traits, antisocial behavior, lack of empathy, and sadistic control, it mutates into something far more dangerous: a delusion that demands nothing less than complete compliance. And in the mind of this deeply troubled individual, if you don’t comply, you must “pay.”
The narcissist doesn’t just believe you “love” them or are “hopelessly obsessed”; they believe you owe it to them. They get angry when you refuse to worship at their deranged altar.
And when you don’t reciprocate in their dangerous fantasy, or try to set boundaries, they believe utter chaos and attempted destruction, sometimes even the death of their target, are the only options. This is why law enforcement and mental health professionals must act swiftly to neutralize these threats, and get these individuals into the appropriate mental health treatment plans.
How Malignant Narcissism Warps Erotomania
A malignant narcissist experiencing erotomanic delusions will twist reality to protect their fantasy at any cost. Their sense of entitlement fuels the delusion, and their lack of empathy removes the brakes.
Essentially, it’s psychopathy.
A victim documenting evidence and submitting it to a police department for help is interpreted far differently to a malignant narcissist than a typical person. To them, taking steps to end or getting help in ending their stalking and harassment is seen entirely as defiance that must be punished, and it can get ugly.
Knowing the signs to protect yourself is important. Here’s what erotomania looks like in real life:
1. They Create a Relationship That Doesn’t Exist
To people suffering from this illness, everything is “evidence”:
- You interacted professionally → “They’re secretly in love with me.”
- You set a boundary → “They’re following me and won’t leave me alone”
- You block them → “They are obsessed with me.”
Rejection is never rejection to them. Rejection is part of the delusional story they’ve created in their heads.
2. They Insert Themselves Into Your Life Without Permission
A malignant narcissist with erotomania believes your life is an open book meant for their consumption and they want to make themselves the main character. They may even have a history of doing this to multiple people; becoming obsessed with individuals and their destruction. To maintain their delusion, they monitor:
- Your social media
- Your friendships
- Your job
- Your movements
- Your posts
- Your family
- Threatening to harm your children
Not because they care, but because they believe you belong to them. Their fantasy requires total access.
3. They Feel Wronged and Enraged When You Don’t Play Along
Your boundaries feel like betrayal to them. So when you ignore, block, reject, or simply exist outside their fantasy, they react with:
- Rage
- Unfounded legal threats, frivolous and harassing filings
- Punishment
- Smear campaigns
- Legal manipulation
- Escalating obsession
- Attempts to destroy your life at any cost
- Attempts to put your children in harm’s way
To them, your autonomy is violence.
To you, it’s safety.
Extreme Projection
This is the hallmark of malignant narcissistic erotomania: extreme projection. They will claim:
“they are after me.”
“that person watches everything I do.”
“they won’t leave me alone.”
Meanwhile, the actual behavior looks different.
4. They Use Systems to Force Contact
This is where the obsession becomes even more dangerous:
- Any and all attempts to force communication
- Manipulating institutions to generate unwanted contact
They may treat legal systems as extensions of their fantasy, believing they can control the narrative and subsequently you through paperwork.
5. They Become Vindictive When You Don’t Reciprocate
Erotomania as a disorder says you love them. Malignant narcissism says you must. The combination says: “If this person won’t comply, I’ll destroy them.”
So they escalate again and again:
- Threatening messages
- Flying monkeys
- Impersonation
- Harassment you, friends, family, your employer
- Flooding your online platforms
- Fixation on your children or family
They are not rejected lovers; they are rejected intruders. And individuals like this typically will not stop until they have destroyed someone literally or figuratively.
Why This Combination Is So Dangerous
Erotomania alone is delusion. Malignant narcissism alone is cruelty. But when they come together, it forms a deeply unwell individual who:
- Believes they own you
- Sees your boundaries or attempts to protect yourself as personal attacks
- Justifies their behavior or has absolutely zero empathy for the harm they cause to people and actually get off on it
- Enjoys the power of intimidation
- Feels righteous in retaliation
- Enlists an entire community to ridicule, stalk, and harm through any means possible
Their obsession is not and never could be affection. It is solely an unchecked, unfettered desire for complete domination and destruction.
How Survivors Can Protect Themselves
1. Do Not Engage
Any attention, even negative attention, feeds the delusion. Do not engage; report everything to the appropriate authorities.
2. Save Digital Evidence
Any proof is proof. Track what you can, save it in a folder.
3. Lock Down Your Digital Spaces
Always assume they are watching because they likely are. Strengthen passwords. Limit visibility. Use 2FA everywhere.
4. Report Violations
Even if police don’t understand the pattern, documentation builds a trail for agencies who do.
5. Seek Protective Measures if Safe
It draws a legal boundary when everything else has failed. Leverage free legal sources if available.
6. Know This: Their delusion is not your responsibility
You did not cause it. You cannot fix it. You do not owe them any warmth or explanations.
The Hard Truth: They Don’t Want Love — They Want Control
A malignant narcissist with erotomania isn’t seeking friendship or a relationship of any kind. They only see individuals as things they can manipulate and control for their benefit, and as a result, individuals like this want possession. They want someone to project fantasies onto, punish for imagined betrayals, and stalk through any channel (digital or physical) that gives them proximity.
When survivors refuse to play the role assigned to them?
That’s when the mask slips. The delusion becomes a campaign of hate and violence. But naming the behavior is the first step to dismantling it, and you deserve to reclaim your narrative, without apology.
