Today, I’m going to talk about something few are brave enough to say out loud: some mothers with severe, untreated Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) weaponize the criminal legal system against their own children. And it often happens to adult or adolescent children who no longer submit to an abuser’s emotional control.
There’s no silver lining to this. It’s a horrible, ugly truth. And if we’re serious about trauma-informed justice, we can’t afford to keep ignoring the quiet victims of this cycle.
When Mental Illness Turns Systemic
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition. When it’s especially severe and left untreated, it can include some pretty scary symptoms:
- Pathological fear of abandonment
- Splitting (seeing people as all good or all bad)
- Volatile emotional reactions
- Manipulative or controlling behavior
- Intense, unstable relationships
Now imagine this playing out between a mother and her child; particularly as that child grows into being a teenager, a time of autonomy, a time where they may not need their mother as much, and are trying to become more independent. In cases of severe, untreated BPD, a mother may misinterpret normal boundary-setting as betrayal, then retaliate by dragging her child through the court system. This can take multiple forms, but most commonly includes false allegations, restraining orders, weaponized child welfare reports, or even criminal complaints.
And unfortunately, the system all too often fails to recognize the warning signs, leaving kids on their own to suffer through it.
Why the Legal System Falls for It
The criminal legal system is not at all trauma-literate. Instead, it responds tp accusation, not context. A tearful mother claiming victimhood often faces little to no scrutiny at all. Police, judges, and prosecutors may not know they’re being manipulated into a deep psychological drama. And when they do know, they rarely intervene. Few family courts or criminal dockets are prepared to untangle mental health abuse from legitimate harm and waive it off, hoping that a qualified individual will intervene at some point down the line.
The Toll on Adult Children
The adult or teenage child on the other end of these accusations often:
- Loses housing, employment, or custody
- Becomes enmeshed in prolonged legal battles
- Suffers reputational harm and community shame
- Experiences retraumatization or suicidal ideationIs forced into no-contact or estrangement as a last resort
In most cases, these victims don’t want revenge. They want relief. But the law offers few protections for someone falsely accused by a family member with a serious psychiatric condition.
What We Can Do About It
I absolutely do not believe in stigmatizing mental illness; anyone who spends even a few minutes here at clutch knows that. But, I do believe in holding the system accountable for perpetuating harm, whether that’s court or police systems. And with that, here’s how I think we can fix this mess:
1. Trauma-Literate Legal Training
Judges, lawyers, and police must be trained to recognize patterns of family dysfunction, not just criminal code violations.
2. Mandatory Psychiatric Review in Family Legal DisputesIf a pattern of false allegations or emotional abuse emerges, courts should order psychological evaluations—just as they do for parenting time.
3. Support and Advocacy for Adult ChildrenAdvocacy groups must step up. Right now, adult children falsely accused by parents have no dedicated support system.
4. Family Court ReformCourt systems must stop taking restraining orders and criminal complaints at face value when they come from an unstable household dynamic.
This Isn’t About Making Villains; It’s About Accountability
With all of that being said, it is vitally important to note that not every person with BPD is abusive. Not every accusation is false.
However, when the legal system is used as an extension of unresolved trauma, that’s abuse; even if the abuser doesn’t fully understand what they’re doing. We cannot claim to be trauma-informed if we ignore the devastating trauma done by those society deems “too fragile to question.” Survivors deserve justice. Even when the perpetrator is family.
