“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” — Audre Lorde
That quote came up during my Essie Justice Group Healing to Advocacy cohort meeting, and I felt it in my bones.
The Weight Placed on Women
Women are told, in a thousand ways, that our value is tied to sacrifice.
We are expected to give and give and give until our bones break; our time, our energy, our joy, our sleep. And when we have a loved one incarcerated, the demands multiply.
We become caregivers, advocates, breadwinners, letter-writers, commissary managers, transportation providers, emotional anchors, all while carrying the invisible weight of stigma and judgment. People act as if our time is worth less, as if they can take more than they deserve, because our lives are already tethered to someone the system has discarded.
Self-Preservation is Radical and This Means War.
These words remind us that in this system, where Black and Brown women are disproportionately forced into caregiving for incarcerated loved ones, self-preservation is not selfishness; it is rebellion.
And this means war.
To care for ourselves in the midst of systemic exploitation is to reject the lie that our worth only exists in service to others.
It is to say: my rest matters. My health matters. My joy matters. I am not disposable.
And when women fighting for incarcerated loved ones preserve their energy, protect their spirit, and invest in healing, we become stronger advocates for our families, and for a system that must change.
Healing as Advocacy
At Essie Justice Group, the Healing to Advocacy model is rooted in the truth that the personal and the political are inseparable. You cannot sustain advocacy without tending to the wounds created by incarceration, poverty, and generational trauma.
When we come together in sisterhood, we remind each other that healing is a strategy. Rest is resistance.
And joy is not frivolous. It is fuel.
A Call to Others Walking This Path
If you are someone supporting an incarcerated loved one, you are not alone. Your exhaustion is not weakness, your need for care is not selfish. It is survival. It is strategy. It is political warfare against a system that depends on us being too tired, too broken, too silent to fight back.
So take the nap. Block off the time. Drink the water. Write the poem. Sing the song. Protect your energy as if your advocacy depends on it.
Because it does.
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