As I’ve mentioned before, parental incarceration has some truly nasty effects on kids.
Due to failed tough on crime policies, more than 2 million Americans are behind bars, leaving many children behind as unseen victims of mass incarceration policies. Shockingly, the number of children with a parent in prison or jail grew five times between 1980 and 2012, growing from about 500,000 to 2.6 million.
As a result, more and more kids are finding themselves struggling through this unimaginable pain.
Since their father’s unexpected incarceration, my kids sometimes struggle with depression in different ways; holidays and major milestones tend to be the hardest.
While we don’t have all of the answers and we’re still figuring this life out, we have found some ways to manage tough days and low moods, keeping depression at bay.
Establish Routines and Develop a New Normal
Having a loved one ripped away without warning is incredibly traumatic. Sometimes you need to sit with it and process, but sitting too long without purpose can be just as damaging.
My kids are big fans of technology, so using apps like Finch or Me+ really help all of us move through a checklist, and turn self-care into gamification.
Find Low Energy Activities
Sometimes you don’t want to talk about everything going on. Sometimes you just need to let your body rest. On the tough days, the ones where it’s hard to just get out of bed, we find that movie/tv marathons, reading, or simple creative projects like coloring, really help.
Making snacks like making popcorn or baking something at home can also be really helpful. It doubles as a bonding activity and a treat.
Getting Out and About
With many families, finances are often tight after a dual-parent household drops to one. Finding low-cost or free activities can be helpful in getting everyone out of the house without breaking the bank.
Look for local free museums, libraries, special public events, go to the park, take a walk, even playing a game like Pokemon Go is great for getting much needed exercise and activity; things that are proven to combat depression. It also gives everyone something to look forward to, which is always nice.
Maintain Contact and Talk About How You’re Feeling
Your loved one is no doubt struggling just as much as you are. Talking it out helps everyone. Even though phone time can be expensive and money can sometimes be tight, we always keep time on the phone so we can stay connected.
Find Community
Whether it’s friends, church, or family, don’t be afraid to engage with others; find community.
Prison Fellowship offers camps for kids impacted by incarceration, allowing kids much needed peer support.
Try Therapy or Medication
Therapy works because you’re not bottling up the difficult feelings surrounding and letting them fester. Medication can help when you’ve tried all else and need extra help. Being honest about your situation with your family doctor can help them develop a family plan, and figure out what’s right for your children.
Consider Alternative School Options
Sometimes kids need time and space to heal. Choosing alternative school schedules and options can give kids that time and space. It may also let them feel a little more in control of what’s happening in their lives, when so much feels unstable.
My kids have a big say in our homeschool curriculum, choosing their foreign language, writing activities, and what kind of science lessons they learn each day.
Lean on Old Traditions and Make New Ones
There are some family traditions that we maintain around holidays, but some where it felt better to make new ones. For example, we don’t have big traditional holiday dinners; we usually pick something unique to eat that everyone can get excited about. We also schedule visits for major holidays, making everything feel at least a little normal in the middle of the otherwise abnormal.
Of course none of this is perfect, and we’re learning new ways to navigate this maze everyday. The most important thing we’ve done is talk about it, and be there for each other however we can.
That’s the best way to get to the other side.
